How to be a Dark Lord
by Midnight Revenges
Summary: Voldemort has a 'Rules for Successful Dark Lord' list. Read Voldemort's musings about the list. One-shot. May turn into a multi-chapter HP/LV later on.


**Hey there, Ariana here! **_Irissa Bendeline. Pleasure. Our first fanfiction, so give some support, people. _No flames please! I'm Alexandra Wender! **Hope you'll like our first story as Midnight Revenges! **At first Rianne voted for an AF story, Iris a HP story, and I a PJO story._ I won out in the end. I don't really know how to write a PJO story anyway. _**So Iris started this list. After, of course, complaining about the lack of PJO and AF story ideas. **True, she wanted to be a Dark Lord/Lady._ Hey! Lady sounds too happy for me! Dark Lady just sounds weird! And I do have a sadistic mind when I'm up to it._** *…No comments* Anyway, the three of us then got our brains spinning, thinking up of rules that apply to the Dark Lord. **And this is how this story came to be.

_**Disclaimer:**__ To all oblivious dunderheads who doesn't even know who's the original author of the HP series, we are proud to announce that we are the owners of this series. Harry is in a relationship with Voldemort, and Dumbledore is the most manipulative fool ever._** … What Iris means, is that we DO NOT own the Harry Potter. **Why can't we own it?__**Cause we didn't write it, duh. That's why we can't. **Oh, okay. Now, let's get on with the story already!

_**Warning:**__ It might seem odd and at times illogical. _**VERY illogical.**_ Don't worry. We're just weird like that. _Yeah… Hey! I'm not weired!

_**(Actually, we're writing this long a disclaimer and AN just to get more words in the page)**_

**How to become a Dark Lord**

Never wear red and gold… _and shudder whenever thinking of it._

Must have a trademark evil face…_or the ministry will mix you up with someone else. They always do._

Must have an evil laugh… _its classic._

Must have an awesome hairstyle… _now I just need to get some hair…_

Must have followers… _loyalty not included_

Must have scary eyes… _hmm, I think I'm born with it._

Must wear black… _reminds me of Snape! *blanche* _

Never make a promise… _because I'll just have to break it afterwards. I'm a dark lord after all._

Never try to scare babies…_they always cry so loud- I'll go deaf._

Never try to clean up your house_… I've never bothered to learn cleaning charms anyway._

Never misjudge your enemies…_oh, why do I always miss this one?_

Never tell your secrets…_I'm a dark lord, secrets are for girls!_

Always take a shower after bloody battle…_or you'll smell._

Never rely on others to think up a plan… _I'll never agree with it._

Always have a backup weapon… _now, I seem to keep forgetting this too._

Always kill more than last week…_or maybe not, I'm not that insane._

Drink more water…_what? You need the energy if you are a dark lord too._

Eat desserts in private…_ can't let anyone know that I adore chocolate cake._

Punish your followers…_whether they're right or they're wrong. Especially when they are right._

Must have a grand and dramatic entrance… _I quite love dramatic operas._

Must have an arch nemesis…_damn that brat._

Must not be stupid… _the dark lord who made this list was probably killed for making this stupid rule._

Must be very possessive…_possessive over what, exactly? I don't even have precious belonging in my possession…_

Must have another name…_you mean there are others dark lords with make-up names?_

Must be sexy…_now that's correct._

Must have a scary appearance…_unfortunately…_

Must be powerful…_ I dare you to say otherwise._

Must be able to disguise their true intentions…_in short, must be able to lie._

Must be able to charm others… _and then kill them._

Must have a soul mate…_WHAT THE - !_

Never try to go shopping on your own…_ shop attendants always flee before I can ask questions anyway._

Must always put wards around your private chamber…_ to ward off crazy followers… (a.k.a. Bellatrix)_

Must brush your teeth every morning…_ can't ruin your image with rotten teeth._

Must have a deluxe I'll-kill-you-slowly-and-painfully glare…_always use it on Dumbledore._

Must be evil…_This is an absolute necessity._

_**There! Done! Please review! And if you like it and would like it to continue down towards a path of HP/LV slash, please tell us!**_


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